Pep Talk

Pep Talk

Too much information, Pirate.

It’s official. I’m going insane. I’ve started talking to plants in my sleep-deprived delirium — soon I’ll be wearing underwear on my head and running around screaming at squirrels.

In context, I was just insulting a particularly painful stick I stepped on while running, but it bears insight into my mental health. Spring is coming.

Graceless Defeat

Graceless Defeat

Knight doesn’t take defeat well.

Some people just don’t concede defeat gracefully. Knight is one of those people. Do you remember the person who never lets you win a game of chess without a rematch, or always says they were off their game if they lose at sports? That’s Knight if she thinks she’s lost to someone inferior to her. Like a rock.

Presidential Qualities

Presidential Qualities

Her campaign slogan could use some work.

Let’s not get political here. With that said, let’s talk politics. I’m following the US elections with great interest at the moment…mainly because Colbert keeps a great running commentary on the Late Night Show. Anyways, I had to do my take on it. Knight may be intimidating, but she hasn’t got the charisma of a smiling rock.

Sliding Sleeping

Sliding Sleeping

Pain is a good lesson?

Parents, here’s a question for you: do you let your kids make mistakes? If you see your child about to commit a non-life-endangering but potentially-painful-and-or-embarrassing stunt, do you let them do it?

Old school thinking is that pain builds character. I disagree. Pain builds bruises. Character builds character. Let’s not mix the two.

Green Giant

Green Giant

And she’s short, but labels are rude.

I can’t grow stuff. Actually, that’s not true. I can probably grow mold and fungi.

As I child, I remember my family had a baby cactus plant. We kept it in the bathroom. It lived there for several years, until the day I saw a spider emerge from the inside of the cactus. It had been living in the dead plant’s shell for a long time.

Plant horror stories aside, Pirate’s good at growing stuff. It goes well with her eating stuff. One hand giveth while the other munches away.

Zombie Avoidance

Zombie Avoidance

Oldschool zombies are fun zombies.

Let’s talk about zombies for a second. I miss the old zombies. These newfangled types like in the Walking Dead are all about eating people. The old zombies just wanted our brains. They also couldn’t run or climb walls or cheat. If there’s a zombie apocalypse, I’d really prefer the old brain-eating zombies. Who knows, they might leave me alone.