Library Sales

No, but I’ll take a heart attack.

A few days ago I talked about marketing books to readers like myself. After much thought, this was the only viable option I could come up with. I need help.

Pirate is to me, a cute kid with serious moments, especially in her book. But I think if I saw anyone, especially a child peering at me through the bookshelves at night I’d freak out.

That said, if I could put posters and small pictures of Pirate in libraries across the world I totally would. In fact, I should just to that — just start leaving pictures of Pirate hidden wherever I go. Heart attacks for everyone!

World Bites

It’s a strange world, after all.

And now, somber reflections upon my descent into insanity. One day I’m talking about marketing my books synergistically with my own reading desires the next…this.

Some days are bad days. Like when you step in dog poo. Or get hit by a train. Or both. But some days you’ve gotta bite the world back.

Just saying.

Bad Marketing

Bad marketing is better than no marketing. Too bad I don’t have a marketer.

So I finally figured out how to find how many book sales I’ve made today. All nine of them, which is a number which is disappointing yet not cripplingly sad either. That’s just what happens with self-published books with non-existent marketing strategies.

Aside from telling you lovely, invisible folks on the blog and Facebook friends and family, I’ve done no promotional stuff. And word of mouth isn’t that great if you don’t have a lot of mouths.

Putting it generously, if I added up blog followers (some of which may or may not still be following or have existed in the first place), as well as friends on Facebook who probably don’t all ready my posts and family, that would be roughly 200 people. Even if each person went out and told ten more people (not going to happen), that’s 2000 people, only 10% of which might actually want a book like mine.

It’s better to aim your book at a specific audience. My audience would be people like me, who like young fantasy with characters like Pirate. But if I thought about how to market to myself…it’s hopeless.

I found my books browsing through the library, or if people were raving about it as the bestselling book of the century. And even then I might not buy the book. As a kid and even now, I pick up new books very slowly and usually only ones I can buy in bookstores or in print. But if I’m the target audience, I’d better find out a way to find me or else the me now won’t ever be able to sell books to me. If that makes any sense.

Thanksgiving Trouble

It’s gonna be really hard to baste.

I don’t know why giant turkey attacks are part of my Thanksgiving phobias but maybe that’s because I think turkeys are weird. I don’t particularly mind eating them, but they’re weird.

Anyways, I hope you’ve all had a great Thanksgiving! Don’t explode from eating too many leftovers and watch out for turkey attacks. Just in case.

Water Heater Woes

Good thing the heater’s not turned on.

Things aren’t actually this bad, but I do have a leaky water heater. In point of fact, it’s just a constant drip from the drain valve connection. Annoying, but doesn’t affect anything. Too bad I have to wait till Monday for a repair person.

See, this is why I hate Thanksgiving.

Book Bites

It’s hard to catch readers.

Some days I feel like I’m fishing in an ocean for readers. As a writer, I have made my bait — my book — and I’m looking for the right audience, or rather, fishing hole.

Problem is, I’ve only caught one fish in my entire life and that was pure luck. I don’t know anything about writing, and even less about angling. I just do what I like to do, and try to make it work.

Ah well, maybe someday I’ll land a whale. Until then I guess I’ll live. I hate seafood, anyways.

Winter is Running

Dress warmly and carry a flamethrower.

So, snow started falling today. Lots of snow. I’m going to start shoveling my sidewalk with a flamethrower now.

I also have to apologize about the gratuitous violence here. I don’t condone violence against snow-people unless they annoy you. Anyways, it’s cold right now. Sort of annoying.

Sea Bath

Sorta pointless, but I appreciate the effort.

Actually, sea water is really bad for washing so I can understand why Pirate would want a separate bath. But really, it seems sort of redundant.

…I’m really having trouble finding a reason for drawing this picture here. Sleep deprivation does weird things. I guess the moral of this story is…don’t drop your soap? Wash often?

Something like that.

Style Standards

The monocle makes everything better.

Taking a break from boring book talk for a moment. Let’s get back onto the normal run of Pirate Blog stuff. Like style.

I don’t have a top hat in my wardrobe. I feel like this is a grievous sin. Because when I think class and style, I think: top hat, monocle, and walrus with a bowler hat.

…Seriously. I think something’s wrong with my internal fashion sense. Or I’m just crazy, but I knew that a long time ago.

Desperate Measures

Please don’t actually do this with any book.

I can’t stop making book-related pictures. Somebody stop me!

…Besides that, I’m grateful people have started leaving reviews on Amazon! I’m impressed — some people must read pretty fast or have more time on their hands to get through the book so quickly.

Myself, I can’t read nearly as much as I want to. Between work and ironically, writing, my reading time has been cut down to almost nothing. I also need to start reading the Game of Thrones series since I hear it’s amazing. I’ll also take notes on how to write epic stuff.